March 28, 2011 GUEST POST by Kori Federici
Regarding the issue of parents communicating to their children about sex, researchers have found that:
- An already positive relationship with the offspring would result in an easier ability to discuss this taboo topic.
- Negative relationships between the parent and offspring may make the communication of sex more difficult.
- Parental knowledge of a child being in a romantic relationship made the communication easier as well.
- Sons are questioned less about sex than are daughters.
The study followed families and their children through the ages of 12-18. The parents were asked questions about whether their child (or if they thought) was or had been in a romantic relationship before and if the parent had any concerns.
It is interesting to note that daughters were more often questioned. Does this suggest that daughters are trusted less than the sons? Or, are parents more worried about the health and well-being of daughters who might become pregnant? The sons of the parents were said to feel more independent when it came to parents intervening in their relationships. Also, mothers were more supportive than fathers, but the fathers were more restrictive than the mothers.
These factors often play a primary role in a parent’s decision on how and when to have the “talk” with their child. Should females receive the sex talk earlier than males? Should parents wait until their children start dating to discuss sex? How involved should I be with my child’s sex life? These are some questions to ask yourself if you are a parent struggling to decide what time is the best time to communicate with your child about sex.
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Citation: Kan, M. L., McHale, S. M., & Crouter, A. C. (2008). Parental involvement in adolescent romantic relationships: Patterns and correlates. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 37(2), 168. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/204638246?accountid=13158
I am not a parent, but I think that communicating about sex with children is the toughest job one has. I think that it is important for parents to speak with their children about safe sexual behavior, mainly to disprove any ideas that children may already have about having sex as early as possible. Children are pressured to engage in dangerous behavior through the media and peers, and parents can have a huge impact on influencing behavior. From my own experience, my parents are very traditional and do not like to discuss sex in our house, and therefore never had “the talk” with me. They relied on education from school to teach me about safe practices, but indirectly from their morals they made it clear that they would not approve of any unsafe behavior. I think it is interesting that research here shows that parents with more knowledge of their children’s relationships made communication easier because I believe as much as children (especially teens) do not like their parents meddling in their personal affairs, it is always very helpful to be open to each other.
Why are daughters questioned about sex more than sons? This is a very interesting topic to think about because I think daughters are questioned more about sex than sons are. Never the less, I do believe that consciously talking to one’s children about sex is very important. It is important for young children to understand the risks of sex and how to also practice safe sex.
In relation to health communications, the transtheoretical model of behavior change is a great example of the controversies parents may be facing when talking to their children about sex. For instance, some parents may be in the pre contemplation stage where they have not really thought about talking about sex with their children. Other parents maybe in the contemplation stage where they are thinking about talking to their parents about sex. Other parents may be ready to talk to their children about sex and they are in the preparation stage of the model. Finally, other parents may be ready to talk to their children and are in the action stage. As one can talk to their children about sex it is also important to think about maintenance when it comes to talking to children about sex. As a parents talks to their children once about sex it wouldn’t hurt to maintain the ritual of being open about sex.
As the Stages of change is important when talking to children about sex, it is also important (as Kori pointed out) to try and maintain healthy communication patterns with one’s children before trying to talk about the awkward topic of sex.