April 15, 2011 GUEST BLOG POST by Alan Mars
I have been reviewing research about talking to children about a parent’s cancer diagnosis. One such article [see citation below] relates to parents communicating with their children about the mother’s diagnosis of breast cancer. It focuses on how important it is to engage and include the fathers when communicating about the diagnosis of breast cancer to the mother’s children.
In this article, based on the research done by the authors, the reader learns that an open family communication style is important when a family is coping with the emotional distress that accompanies the genetic testing process. In other words ,all members of a family (children as well as parents, even grandparents) need to be able to feel that he/she can voice the emotions he/she is feeling because of the diagnosis of breast cancer in the mother, not just keep it bottled inside.
The authors also believe that a strong relationship between the mother and the father can help the open communication to continue. This is stated because in many cases of the study, when the father was not present on a consistent basis, it was shown that communication was lacking between the mother and the children, and this hindered the coping/recovering process of the family.
Basically, fathers are more important with the communication process of a family than they may realize… especially when that family involves a mother diagnosed with breast cancer! Let me know what you think about this research!
Demarco, Tiffani A., Beh N. Peshkin, Heiddis B. Valdimasdottir, Andrea F. Patenaude, Katherine A. Schneider and Kenneth p. Tercyak (2008). Role of Parenting Relationship Quality in Communicating about Maternal BRCA1/2 Genetic Test Results with Children. National Society of Genetic Counselors, volume 17, 283-287.
I can relate to this article because I have recently seen a family lose their mother to cancer and leave behind three children. I agree that the father is very important in communication about what is happening. In this particular situation, the father was did not do well handling the situation and I feel that it put a lot more stress on the family. Luckily even while sick, the mother was very strong and was able to comfort the children while explaining to them the seriousness of the situation. Families who were already successful communicators with each other will obviously be more effective at doing so in situations such as this. Even though the father was not as successful as the research says he might need to be, the mother and the siblings were able to support each other; this actually helped the father in the long run and gave him a model to follow.
Communication is a key in any family relationship, especially dealing with health related issues. I too agree that everyone needs to be on board communicating about the issue and any concerns or feeling they could be having. Children look to their parents for guidance and examples on how to behave and act in their own lives. If children are in a house hold were their mother has breast cancer, but neither of the parents communicate about it, it could have serious harmful effects on their children. I liked that fathers are a key in communicating with health struggles, because a lot of time the mother is the one holding everyone together and listening to everyone’s problems around her. Although, in this case the mother is the one in a need of people to listen and help her through this process allowing the husband too take the communicative rein’s for once. Many families believe that the father figure should be communicative excused from certain situations, because men “have a difficult time expressing their emotions and feeling.” But children need a health example figure that is able to tell them everything will be ok. Explain what’s going on with their mother; it could make things a lot easier than the mother who is sick with cancer telling her children everything will be ok. Fathers need to be just as strong and step up when situations like the story about the mother receiving breast cancer occur. Mothers and children need to know their father and husband can be there, when the rock (mother) may be unable.
This issue of communicating something as difficult and sensitive as cancer with children always brings up many communication issues. Firstly, as noted in a previous comment,the communicator (in this case the parents)must be very careful not to cause fear in the children. Secondly, I found that in my research about communicating about healthy eating habits with children it is important that the children feel apart of the process rather than alienated from the outcome in order to increase their perceived self efficacy. They must feel that they can do something about the threat of their parents having cancer in order to avoid a fear controlled response.
When it comes to discussing health issues with children, it is important that parents are aware of how the translation of this information will be seen in the eyes of the child. If you confuse the child and use big terminology, you will most likely shut of the communication between the parents and the child. When communication is shut off, the child becomes afraid of the unknown and starts to question even more the status of the parent who is sick. There was a case study about a family whose mother refused to let her children know the aliment of her husband. After discussing that case in class, I could not believe that the Mother wouldn’t allow her children to know the truth about her husband’s sickness, as if it didn’t exist. This blog post reminded me of this because of the danger that can arise from a parent not disclosing anything to the children about the other parent’s sickness. This can also lead to mass confusion and lack of communication. I thought it was interesting how the post emphasized the importance of the Fathers role in communication. A lot of the times it is seen that the Mother should be the top communicator and is seen has the parents who the children tend to reside to for emotional support. I agree that shutting out the Father would not help at all and should be treated equally communication wise. I Fathers come off as intimidating and possibly not as emotionally there as Mothers are, but with him being a part of the family structure and support it is apparent that everyone needs to communicate with each other, especially when it comes to disclosing an illness.
This is a very sensitive issue, especially due to the effects a cancer diagnosis has on the family. I remember first hearing about the discovery of the link between BRCA1 and BRCA2 tumor suppressor gene mutations and breast cancer and ovarian cancer. Women with this mutation are “predispositioned” for these cancers, but it’s not a set in stone, life sentence.
I strongly believe that all women should receive genetic testing to find if they inherited this mutation and if so, trace back to family members who may also be at risk. A positive test will lead to closer screening via mammogram, MRI, ultrasound or tissue biopsy to look for growths or to see if tissue is abnormal. Screening is important for the initiation of early treatment, which is critical for successful treatment.
Genetic testing is an important tool to discover susceptibility of breast cancer or ovarian cancer, but it can also be a negative tool causing a fear control response if proper communication lines between family members and/or physicians are not established. Family members offer important support and self-efficacy for the family member battling cancer. They give them something to live for and to fight for: “My family still needs me, I will fight this cancer.”
Family members, especially children need communication to help them cope with the mother’s the diagnosis of breast cancer. Not only is a cancer diagnosis a burden on the patient, but also a burden on family members. The mother should not try to hide the diagnosis in order to protect the feelings of children, as this may cause more emotional damage than the news of the diagnosis. Children need time to prepare themselves emotionally to change their lifestyle around their mother’s diagnosis and alter the family dynamics. These are very big changes that happen abruptly. Therefore, it is important that both parents as well as grandparents and even extended family be involved in the communication process to offer emotional support to assist in the coping process.